Sensory Meltdowns vs. “Tantrums”: How to Tell the Difference and What Helps

Has your child ever become so upset that you weren’t sure whether they were having a temper tantrum or experiencing a sensory meltdown? While the two can look very similar, they happen for very different reasons—and knowing the difference can help you understand how to respond.

My name is Chelsea. I’m a registered occupational therapist here at Metro Therapy, and today I’m going to be talking about the difference between temper tantrums and sensory meltdowns.

What Is a Temper Tantrum?

A tantrum, or a temper tantrum as you may call it, is a behaviorally controlled response to a child not getting something that they want. An example of a tantrum that you may have seen before may be a child yelling, crying, or being upset when it’s time to turn off a show or movie.

This upset continues until the child either gets what they want—the TV turned back on—or they realize that they will not be getting their desired outcome. Because the child is in control of these behaviors, they can turn them on or off depending on whether they get what they want.

What Is a Sensory Meltdown?

A sensory meltdown, while it may look similar to a tantrum, is very different. A sensory meltdown is the body’s fight-or-flight response to the environment or sensory input that the body and brain are experiencing. With a sensory meltdown, there is no goal or control over this response.

An example of a sensory meltdown that you may have seen before might be a child yelling, crying, or trying to run away in a busy store or environment for no apparent reason. The caregiver may be trying anything they can to get the child to calm down but is unable to do so.

This meltdown may continue even after the child is removed from the situation and will not stop until the child’s nervous system feels safe again.

How to Tell the Difference Between a Tantrum and a Sensory Meltdown

These two responses, while very different, can look very similar. There are a few ways to tell which one the child is experiencing, as well as different ways to respond to these situations.

What Causes the Behavior?

First, consider the cause. A tantrum is caused by frustration or anger and is used as a negotiation tactic to get what the child wants, such as attention, a preferred item, or to avoid doing something. A sensory meltdown is caused by sensory or emotional overload, and it’s the brain’s way of saying that it is getting more input than it can handle.

What Type of Behavior Is Your Child Actually Displaying?

Next, there are behavioral tells or cues that might help us see what is going on in the child’s mind. During a tantrum, a child may check to see if you are watching them or may change their level of reaction to try to elicit a different response from the caregiver.

In a sensory meltdown, the child is not looking for a reaction or to gain something, and they may appear to not be in control of their body. This may include running away, covering their eyes or ears, or hitting or kicking without control or intent to hurt themselves or others. During a sensory meltdown, the logical part of the brain turns off, and the only thing the brain is trying to do is protect itself and survive.

How Does the Behavior End?

Finally, consider how this period of upset comes to an end. A tantrum will end either when the child gets what they want or the caregiver holds firm to their boundary, and the child realizes that they aren’t getting their way.

A sensory meltdown will end when the child’s brain is regulated and ready to process information again. This child may require a calming, quiet environment with low lights and sounds in order for the nervous system to calm down enough to begin thinking logically again.

How to Respond to Temper Tantrums and Sensory Meltdowns

It is important to know how to respond to each of these events, especially because they happen for very different reasons.

How to Respond to a Child’s Tantrum

For a tantrum, acknowledging the child’s feelings is an important part of the response to this behavior. Saying, “I know that you’re frustrated,” or, “I can see that you are feeling upset,” helps to show the child that you are listening to them and that their feelings are being understood.

After acknowledging the feelings, stay firm in your boundary and don’t give in to the child’s demand. By holding the boundary, you are showing your child that their behavior does not impact your decision. Continue to clearly state your boundary in addition to acknowledging feelings, such as saying, “I know that you are frustrated and sad that I turned the TV off, but it is time to be done watching, and we are not turning it back on.”

Continue to stay firm and wait out the tantrum, ignoring the behavior until your child calms down. After the child is calm, it may be a good idea to talk to them about why you set the boundary that you did.

How to Respond to a Child’s Sensory Meltdown

For a sensory meltdown, it is important to prioritize the child’s safety. This may mean moving them to an area where they cannot accidentally harm themselves or someone else. When the child is safe, remove or reduce the input that the child is experiencing.

This may include dimming the lights, reducing noise by closing the door or putting on something like noise-canceling headphones, and giving them space. Some children may want space, while others may want deep pressure, such as hugs, a weighted blanket, or a weighted stuffed animal.

Finally, keep yourself calm. The calm presence of a safe adult can help the child co-regulate and help their nervous system feel safe again. During the calm-down time, don’t ask questions about what happened until after the child is fully calm and the meltdown has passed.

Your child may be physically and emotionally exhausted after a sensory meltdown and may need extra time to recover with a nap or other low-stimulation activities.

Reach Out to Metro Therapy for Help with Sensory Challenges

I hope this helped you understand the difference between temper tantrums and sensory meltdowns and what to do when your child is experiencing each one.

If your child is struggling with sensory challenges or you need help understanding how to support them, call Metro Therapy at 763-450-9400. Our team would be happy to help you and your child.